My heart aches if not of my disappointment of betrayal then of sorrow. Astrid when behind my back on behalf of the family, she did what she thought was right and I can't blame her for that even though it pained me as much as anything ever did, putting her own blade to her heart. I wouldn't expect Nazir to join me in my mourning. I suspect he's alwyas had a bad eye for Astrid. Even though he did mention to me how be would only answer to her and take orders from her, I think it was merely out of lack of an alternative, and to him the Night Mother certainly wasn't one. I still have Shadowmere, her red-eyed horse, with whom I cross the land. Sometimes it feels as if she is whispering to me through the sound of his hooves. Maybe I am confusing the emptiness I feel after the loss of Astrid with the gloomy mood Kodlak's death has left the Companions with. The twins, my rocks, they rarely ever speak to me and I rarely see them around anymore. I feel guilty for taking his place as Harbringer and I suspect with reason. I try to keep a distance but my brothers of coat are giving me a hard time. O how I hope my misery will come to an end soon. Before I wither.
- Namiaa of the Nord
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